Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Sunday, September 8, 2019
Happy 4 month old birthday Wylie!
Guess who is four months old today!!??
Happy birthday Margaret Wylie Duerson!
We can’t thank everyone enough for all the love, prayers, and support that have been showered on our family and from all of you! - Gavin
Friday, September 6, 2019
Allowance
I don't know how long it lasted, but it seems like weeks looking back on it. I held my tears at bay until I absolutely couldn't. When they came, I realized that I had pushed them down for a reason. I figured, "If I cry, it means I have lost hope for Wylie."
Tissues later, I knew these tears did not carry that meaning at all. My tears were tears, that's all. They revealed that we are under a colossal amount of stress. They displayed my love for Wylie and my desire for her to get better. Then after they were out, I felt so much better.
I've allowed them to return as needed. Well, almost. I wanted to cry when I was allowed the opportunity to hold Wylie. I was overcome with excitement and gratitude. I did not cry then, though.
I had pictured myself holding her when she was all healed and happy. I figured then it would be the right time. Yet, in the midst of the messiness of figuring out her tears, the beloved nurses and doctors placed her into my arms. That was a surprise.
I held her and wondered how to answer her tears. I looked at the monitors and screens. I was clueless. I did learn something after some time of sitting there holding sweet Wylie. Just like my held tears, holding her had an unexpected meaning. I thought I would hold her once it was all better, then I found that holding her actually is a part of healing for both of us.
All of it is messier and harder than I would ever choose. Sometimes it really feels like too much. But we can't have Wylie without the crying and the mess, so we allow the crying and mess because it means we get to hold Wylie and heal together.
Tissues later, I knew these tears did not carry that meaning at all. My tears were tears, that's all. They revealed that we are under a colossal amount of stress. They displayed my love for Wylie and my desire for her to get better. Then after they were out, I felt so much better.
I've allowed them to return as needed. Well, almost. I wanted to cry when I was allowed the opportunity to hold Wylie. I was overcome with excitement and gratitude. I did not cry then, though.
I had pictured myself holding her when she was all healed and happy. I figured then it would be the right time. Yet, in the midst of the messiness of figuring out her tears, the beloved nurses and doctors placed her into my arms. That was a surprise.
I held her and wondered how to answer her tears. I looked at the monitors and screens. I was clueless. I did learn something after some time of sitting there holding sweet Wylie. Just like my held tears, holding her had an unexpected meaning. I thought I would hold her once it was all better, then I found that holding her actually is a part of healing for both of us.
All of it is messier and harder than I would ever choose. Sometimes it really feels like too much. But we can't have Wylie without the crying and the mess, so we allow the crying and mess because it means we get to hold Wylie and heal together.
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
On Being
Our little Wylie has a body. She has a mind. She has a soul. Just her being Wylie delights me. I love the way her skin smells and the feel of her sweet, fuzzy hair. I love the way she sticks her legs out when she stretches. I love her tricky eyes that don't always close when she is sleeping.
There are a lof things Wylie cannot DO. I haven't seen her smile yet. She can't turn over, sit up, or talk. Our relationship, in a lot of ways, is one-way. She doesn't do anything for us. Simply her "being" has created an eternal love relationship. She cannot undo our love by anything she does or doesn't do, including getting sick or getting well.
I know I am not alone in my affection. Through her just "being" Wylie, she has endeared hundreds of hearts. What a wonder! A baby who just IS having such a big impact. Thank you, God, for the gift of the human being, Margaret Wylie Duerson!
There are a lof things Wylie cannot DO. I haven't seen her smile yet. She can't turn over, sit up, or talk. Our relationship, in a lot of ways, is one-way. She doesn't do anything for us. Simply her "being" has created an eternal love relationship. She cannot undo our love by anything she does or doesn't do, including getting sick or getting well.
I know I am not alone in my affection. Through her just "being" Wylie, she has endeared hundreds of hearts. What a wonder! A baby who just IS having such a big impact. Thank you, God, for the gift of the human being, Margaret Wylie Duerson!
Friday, August 2, 2019
Updates from “Wylie’s Warriors”
These are the last two posts from Wylie’s Warriors support group on lotsahelpinghands.com. That is the place we are posting most of the medical updates. Feel free to join the group by clicking the link on the right... Because of the events of the past couple of days, I did want to post them here as well...
Aug 1
Friends.
Wylie has had three attempts to vent a pneumothorax that continues to develop around her left lung. This is essentially a large air pocket that if not had been vented correctly would have ended her life. The third attempt we asked you to pray for this morning seems to be working better but it is uncertain if it will continue to prevent another air bubble from developing. Right now Wylie is at rest and stable. Our prayer is that she can stay this way and over the next few days her lungs can heal (the hole causing the pneumothorax and the infection in her right lung). We thank you so much for being able to join us in this prayer.
The hard part of all this is that if it doesn’t prevent another hole from developing there are really no other options that the doctors are comfortable with—except for one dealing with her breathing tube, which we would likely try. However, this was presented as sort of a last attempt if we had to do it.
These conversations have obviously been very difficult today. We know God is in charge and are trusting Him with all we have. We continue to pray and believe that we will bring Wylie home soon; yet, we are not nieve to the reality that the entire situation is very fragile. Thank you all for so much support and continued prayers. Wylie can use them now and through the night more than ever.
- Gavin
----
(This morning )
Friends.
First, Wylie had a great night of rest. Karla was able to help her in the room when she woke up which she loved. We all also got to sleep. The room is very peaceful. We are hopeful that with rest and time we will see her lungs start healing. The x-ray of her lungs today was similar to the previous one. Her problem is not worse! We can’t thank everyone enough for all your prayers. This verse was shared with us and it rings true in our hearts as we see so many of you surrounding us...
“When the servant of the man of God got up early and went out, he discovered an army with horses and chariots surrounding the city. So he asked Elisha, “Oh, my master, what are we to do?” Elisha said, “Don’t be afraid, for those who are with us outnumber those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed, “ Lord, please open his eyes and let him see.” So the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he saw that the mountain was covered with horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”
2 Kings 6:15-17 CSB
You all really are her warriors!
- Gavin
Aug 1
Friends.
Wylie has had three attempts to vent a pneumothorax that continues to develop around her left lung. This is essentially a large air pocket that if not had been vented correctly would have ended her life. The third attempt we asked you to pray for this morning seems to be working better but it is uncertain if it will continue to prevent another air bubble from developing. Right now Wylie is at rest and stable. Our prayer is that she can stay this way and over the next few days her lungs can heal (the hole causing the pneumothorax and the infection in her right lung). We thank you so much for being able to join us in this prayer.
The hard part of all this is that if it doesn’t prevent another hole from developing there are really no other options that the doctors are comfortable with—except for one dealing with her breathing tube, which we would likely try. However, this was presented as sort of a last attempt if we had to do it.
These conversations have obviously been very difficult today. We know God is in charge and are trusting Him with all we have. We continue to pray and believe that we will bring Wylie home soon; yet, we are not nieve to the reality that the entire situation is very fragile. Thank you all for so much support and continued prayers. Wylie can use them now and through the night more than ever.
- Gavin
----
(This morning )
Friends.
First, Wylie had a great night of rest. Karla was able to help her in the room when she woke up which she loved. We all also got to sleep. The room is very peaceful. We are hopeful that with rest and time we will see her lungs start healing. The x-ray of her lungs today was similar to the previous one. Her problem is not worse! We can’t thank everyone enough for all your prayers. This verse was shared with us and it rings true in our hearts as we see so many of you surrounding us...
“When the servant of the man of God got up early and went out, he discovered an army with horses and chariots surrounding the city. So he asked Elisha, “Oh, my master, what are we to do?” Elisha said, “Don’t be afraid, for those who are with us outnumber those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed, “ Lord, please open his eyes and let him see.” So the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he saw that the mountain was covered with horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”
2 Kings 6:15-17 CSB
You all really are her warriors!
- Gavin
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Thoughts on Rest
I am beyond appreciative for this peaceful time of rest we have enjoyed at home with Wylie. I have not always been able to enjoy rest. By rest, in this case, I mean actually sitting or lying in a position of wakeful relaxation without necessarily being on the phone, reading a book, or really doing anything other than breathing, digesting, and thinking.
With Wylie, there is much to do. We have kept a similar rhythm we began at the hospital. We check her diaper to wake her up before offering her bottle every three hours. Every other feeding time, she has vitamins and medicines. We do our PT stretches, read, listen to music and talk during happy alert times. We clean and dress her g-tube site daily. We have to start a new bag for her feeding tube pump. We sit with her or hold her while the milk she couldn't drink from her bottle goes into her belly. I pump breastmilk for her a few times a day. There is a plethora of washing to do--clothes, bottles, syringes, breast pump parts, etc. There is a lot to do.
Even still, there is also much time to sit in stillness. With all the help we've received for the children, I've sat a whole lot more than I have in a LONG time. During this break, I've contemplated my relationship with rest. In the past, rest, for me, has looked like laziness. It has also looked like weakness and a waste of time. Since then, I've been confronted by wise, older friends and illness. These interruptions changed my mind. I realized that I can't do everything (even if they are good things), I need to take breaks without my kids, and if I don't rest, I will get sick. A question actually gave me the incentive I needed to change my thinking and my habits. "If my girls follow my example as a wife and mother, will they be healthy and happy?" The answer in my mind was, "No, their lives would be out of balance. I want to provide a different example."
At that point, a picture emerged in my mind. I saw myself in a rowboat pulling frantically on the oars. This picture represented the way I worked. Hurry and perfectionism typified the way I checked off my to-do list items. Not only did I carry on this way, but I would try to pull my family into the same boat. I wanted them to be straining and striving along with me. Ouch! This was not a pretty picture!
Now, when I feel myself climbing into the boat or dragging reluctant seamen into my vessel, I stop, because rest is something good and helpful. It disarms. It makes room for imagination. It strengthens the body and mind. It stops spinning wheels. Rest is not lazy (it's actually pretty hard to do), weak (it does take mental and emotional strength to refrain from working), or wasteful (rest provides true benefits). I'm glad that rest and I are friends now.
A verse that I've always really liked has resurfaced:
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." (Isaiah 30:15)
That was me. When it came to rest, I would have none of it. Now, maybe I can have some. Thank you, Wylie, that makes another gift you've given your momma.
With Wylie, there is much to do. We have kept a similar rhythm we began at the hospital. We check her diaper to wake her up before offering her bottle every three hours. Every other feeding time, she has vitamins and medicines. We do our PT stretches, read, listen to music and talk during happy alert times. We clean and dress her g-tube site daily. We have to start a new bag for her feeding tube pump. We sit with her or hold her while the milk she couldn't drink from her bottle goes into her belly. I pump breastmilk for her a few times a day. There is a plethora of washing to do--clothes, bottles, syringes, breast pump parts, etc. There is a lot to do.
Even still, there is also much time to sit in stillness. With all the help we've received for the children, I've sat a whole lot more than I have in a LONG time. During this break, I've contemplated my relationship with rest. In the past, rest, for me, has looked like laziness. It has also looked like weakness and a waste of time. Since then, I've been confronted by wise, older friends and illness. These interruptions changed my mind. I realized that I can't do everything (even if they are good things), I need to take breaks without my kids, and if I don't rest, I will get sick. A question actually gave me the incentive I needed to change my thinking and my habits. "If my girls follow my example as a wife and mother, will they be healthy and happy?" The answer in my mind was, "No, their lives would be out of balance. I want to provide a different example."
At that point, a picture emerged in my mind. I saw myself in a rowboat pulling frantically on the oars. This picture represented the way I worked. Hurry and perfectionism typified the way I checked off my to-do list items. Not only did I carry on this way, but I would try to pull my family into the same boat. I wanted them to be straining and striving along with me. Ouch! This was not a pretty picture!
Now, when I feel myself climbing into the boat or dragging reluctant seamen into my vessel, I stop, because rest is something good and helpful. It disarms. It makes room for imagination. It strengthens the body and mind. It stops spinning wheels. Rest is not lazy (it's actually pretty hard to do), weak (it does take mental and emotional strength to refrain from working), or wasteful (rest provides true benefits). I'm glad that rest and I are friends now.
A verse that I've always really liked has resurfaced:
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." (Isaiah 30:15)
That was me. When it came to rest, I would have none of it. Now, maybe I can have some. Thank you, Wylie, that makes another gift you've given your momma.
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A whole year almost--so much in this year explains why this blog has stayed the same. The muse is fickle and I am notoriously slow to share ...
