Thoughts on Rest

I am beyond appreciative for this peaceful time of rest we have enjoyed at home with Wylie. I have not always been able to enjoy rest.  By rest, in this case, I mean actually sitting or lying in a position of wakeful relaxation without necessarily being on the phone, reading a book, or really doing anything other than breathing, digesting, and thinking.

With Wylie, there is much to do.  We have kept a similar rhythm we began at the hospital.  We check her diaper to wake her up before offering her bottle every three hours.  Every other feeding time, she has vitamins and medicines.  We do our PT stretches, read, listen to music and talk during happy alert times.  We clean and dress her g-tube site daily.  We have to start a new bag for her feeding tube pump.  We sit with her or hold her while the milk she couldn't drink from her bottle goes into her belly.  I pump breastmilk for her a few times a day.  There is a plethora of washing to do--clothes, bottles, syringes, breast pump parts, etc.  There is a lot to do.

Even still, there is also much time to sit in stillness.  With all the help we've received for the children, I've sat a whole lot more than I have in a LONG time.  During this break, I've contemplated my relationship with rest.  In the past, rest, for me, has looked like laziness.  It has also looked like weakness and a waste of time.  Since then, I've been confronted by wise, older friends and illness.  These interruptions changed my mind.  I realized that I can't do everything (even if they are good things), I need to take breaks without my kids, and if I don't rest, I will get sick.  A question actually gave me the incentive I needed to change my thinking and my habits. "If my girls follow my example as a wife and mother, will they be healthy and happy?"  The answer in my mind was, "No, their lives would be out of balance.  I want to provide a different example."  

At that point, a picture emerged in my mind.  I saw myself in a rowboat pulling frantically on the oars.  This picture represented the way I worked.  Hurry and perfectionism typified the way I checked off my to-do list items.  Not only did I carry on this way, but I would try to pull my family into the same boat.  I wanted them to be straining and striving along with me.  Ouch!  This was not a pretty picture!

Now, when I feel myself climbing into the boat or dragging reluctant seamen into my vessel, I stop, because rest is something good and helpful.  It disarms.  It makes room for imagination.  It strengthens the body and mind.  It stops spinning wheels.  Rest is not lazy (it's actually pretty hard to do), weak (it does take mental and emotional strength to refrain from working), or wasteful (rest provides true benefits).  I'm glad that rest and I are friends now.  

A verse that I've always really liked has resurfaced:

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." (Isaiah 30:15)

That was me.  When it came to rest, I would have none of it.  Now, maybe I can have some.  Thank you, Wylie, that makes another gift you've given your momma.