Note: I meant to publish this in November of 2021 but apparently I never hit the "publish" button. I thought I would still share it.
As you can imagine, my life is very full--like a river overflowing its banks full. I love that my days are filled with people--such special people. I am really amazed by all of them. Gavin and the children, Wylie's caring nurses, her skillful therapists and doctors, our friends, the people at co-ops, schools, basketball--I am RICH in relationship.
I do not want to miss them. I don't want to be distracted, hurried, haggard, and burned out. I can see myself often choosing the small, the safe, the least risk. While boundaries are important for wholeness and wellness, walls of self-protection and control can shut real life right out.
So, I asked my friend Ellen Martin to coach me. She is a life coach. (Link here). Wow can she get to the heart of the matter and quick. She is amazing! During our first official session, she asked for some agreements that could increase the efficacy of our meetings. One was whether I would take responsibility for my weaknesses. That was an easy one--of course. The next was not so easy. "Are you willing to celebrate your victories?"
Hmmm...why was that hard? Well, I realize that I mistakingly believe that I should not have weaknesses in the first place. "I really should have already learned to be on time," or "Really?! Disrespectful/rude/discouraging/critical again?!" Overcoming these weaknesses is just the bare minimum; no cause for celebration here.
Well, except for the fact that I am a Christian. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I know that some stunning transactions have taken place. At one time, my spirit was dead. I was unable to know or to respond the love of God in Christ. The weight of my sin rested on my shoulders. My greatest hope was to become the best version of myself that I could produce.
Then, I was born again. The Bible describes it as having a heart of stone removed and a heart of flesh given in its place. That heart of flesh leads me to see God, hear Him, respond to Him without the conviction of my sin sending me running to hide my shame. In fact, this transaction is so scandalous Jesus describes Himself as a lover where I can say, "My Lover is mine and I am His."
Ellen led me to write and post the following words in places I will see: Christ in me is worth celebrating. I in Christ am worth celebrating. Then she asked me to speak the words aloud. I barely croaked them out past the lump in my throat.
With the words before me on a regular basis, I notice my resistance to jubilation. I am serious, business-like, efficient, busy, often frustrated and irritated if my goals are blocked. I do not even feel badly about being a party pooper. Every party needs a pooper! I'm fine to fulfill that role.
Yet, Thanksgiving Day added an exclamation point to my celebration lesson. Our Suburu Legacy careened off Interstate 75 after being hit in the rear by a pick-up truck. Wylie, Neva, and I found ourselves unharmed covered in red berry juice from the bush that cushioned our impact. I will never forget looking into the backseat and seeing those two precious sets of eyes looking back at me.
"We are ok. We are ok. We are ok," I repeated to Neva as she begged to go home over and over. We got out of the car with the help of those who stopped. A state trooper arrived first, then the paramedics, police, and firefighters. The other driver and his dog were safe, too.
But you know me, I wondered, "What does it mean to be ok? What does it mean to be safe?" There is actually a lot more to life than these two measures. Would you agree?
Maybe I could have yelled truer things to Neva like, "We are loved, Neva. We are loved!" or "We have more time, Neva! We have more time!" "This is not the end, sweet girl! This is not the end!" I am seeing much more cause for celebration than not. I want to kick my humbug spirit to the curb and get on with the party. How about you?
