A Death Unto Life

I have been thinking of all the parents who have been thrust into homeschooling and quarantined with children 24/7.  Our family's life path with Wylie and lessons at home before now has acquainted us with quarantine life.  The changes are not as drastic for us; however, I am sympathetic to others who have had their worlds flipped upside down.

When Guy and Emma were little, I went to counseling for anger issues.  Little disruptions, like Guy not wanting to take a nap (a normal toddler experience), would turn into major fiascos.  One day, I realized the huge gap between the "offense" and my reaction and called a counselor.

At that time, Emma wouldn't really let me put her down.  I wore her in a sling and she sat in a Bumbo seat right beside me if I was cooking, folding laundry, etc.  The grandmas, Gavin, and my friend, Elizabeth, were the only ones who were able to keep Emma for an hour or two.  She would cry for almost the whole time.

I could walk to the counselor from my house and Elizabeth lived right on the way.  I dropped Emma and Guy off with her and continued to the counselor's office.  I will never forget that walk.  I was sad, but also hopeful and humbled.  I remember my whispered prayer of something like, "Lord, help me."

I did not expect an immediate answer but got one whispered back into my heart.  "I am going to heal you so that you can die."  Tears welled in my eyes.  This sounds like a terrible answer, but it wasn't.  

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it," (Luke 9:24).

Becoming a Christian is a matter of life and death.  To follow Jesus, you must die to yourself.  You give up being your own boss.  You trade your plans for His.  I wanted to do this more and more. 

The brokenness and shame and guilt of my explosions of anger kept me in a place of trying to "save my life."  Imagine a sprained wrist.  You hold it with the other hand and arm--cradling it, protecting it, preserving it.  I could not lay down my life, because I was holding all the wounded parts with my own hands.  

Jesus' healing allowed me to let it go.  I died to the trying and self-effort of changing myself and dealing with the guilt of my sin.  I received forgiveness and freedom from Jesus in that counseling office.  

This is the thing.  This kind of dying is one that leads to a rebirth--more life of a different kind.  

What is the goal of preserving our lives, Wylie's life, these days with hand washing, six feet of distance, etc.?  The best I know now is that our quarantining of today's times is not out of fear of physical death, but out of love for life with Jesus.  We are losing our lives in one way, entrusting them to God, and letting Him make something of the long days of not doing too much at all.

A friend in Simple Church reminded me that Easter is not just about the crucifixion and resurrection.  Jesus ascended!  He didn't just walk the earth after overcoming the grave, but He went to the Father in Heaven.  We don't see Him with our natural eyes or hear Him with our natural ears now, but He still can be heard and seen!  Jesus said that when He went to the Father that there would be One just like Him who would come.  We know now that the Holy Spirit is that Someone!  Jesus is not limited by time and place anymore.  He is in all places at once.  He lives to intercede for us.

Life with Him is what I am made for, what I had always been looking for, and my greatest hope.  It's not for me alone.  He invites everyone into His life...everyone.  There is no angry momma excluded.  I should know.

The Extraodinary in Normal

So, Guy got a perm a couple of months ago.  When he came and asked for one, I just cracked up!  I couldn't believe it at first.  He had to show me pictures of what he wanted his hair to look like in order to convince me.  I realized he was serious and we found a great beautician who could give him one.  It turned out just the way he wanted and it's still looking good.  I just have to give him a trim every so often.  I did that this morning.

I like getting to cut hair and in these unhurried days of quarantine, it's even more enjoyable.  There is no next thing begging me to hurry and Wylie was asleep.  She is such a pleasant person.  She very rarely demands her way.  Of course, she lets us know if something is bothering her with cries and squirms.  Otherwise, she likes being held, she likes looking at her mirror in her chair, she likes sleeping, she likes playing, she likes swinging.  Generally, she likes whatever is happening at any time.  She is settled.  Our days with her at home feel normal like cutting Guy's hair.

As I swept up the clippings, I also thought about a little Trisomy-18 girl who went to heaven just over a week ago.  She was one of those I mentioned following on FaceBook.  She lived with her family for 3 1/2 years.  She got very sick unexpectedly and never came home from the hospital.  Her mother always ended the hospital posts with, "Jesus, do what only You can do."

He did.  He carried this amazing little person He formed to be with Him forever.  He did not forsake a loving mother and father.  He wraps His arms around these hurting friends and comforts them, shields them, and bestows hope and peace beyond comprehension.  Her mother concluded her most recent post with, "Eleven more days closer to seeing you again..."

Who else is like Jesus?  He has done something only He can do for us, too.  He has given us Wylie forever.  We are together on earth and then we will spend the rest of forever in heaven.  And we are just normal...just normal people.