The News

I just took off the wrap from my arm with a bit of sadness.  It was a physical symbol that something happened to us today.  I told the phlebotomist as she wrapped the band.

“We found out today that our little girl likely has Down’s syndrome.”

She gave me her eyes with kind expression and told me about her grandson who has epilepsy and seizures.  “It’s hard, but I love him so much.”

Yes, that keeps coming today--the gift of a person who is different.  I shared the same message with our children when explaining the news from our appointment.  

“God has given us an extra special gift in your little sister.”

“Will she have superhero powers?” Beau asked.

Though I answered Beau with a “no,”  I think I might have been mistaken. I’ve heard today that people with Trisomy-21 have the “love chromosome”--that their affection and love are contagious and generous; that they exude joy, carrying the happiness of the whole family.  My friend relayed a story of her friend who, after growing up with a sibling with Down’s, adopted a baby with Down’s because she always wants a special person in her life. I think we are all about to be changed. That sounds like superhero power to me.

Gavin reassured the children, “We can be certain that God is giving us His best.”  And I absolutely believe him.  Another friend had surprising news recently and we were relating about our reactions to God’s mysterious ways.  Through our conversation, it occurred to me that God is not fearful or leary about making us uncomfortable when it comes to giving us His best.

His best is uncomfortable.  Emma and Kendall cried and we told them that we had, too.  In that ultrasound room, we cried. We were overwhelmed, shocked.  Guy found no words. In a private moment together, Gavin asked, “Is there part of you that hopes they will call and the result of the test will be negative?”

I totally got his question.  I flashed back to the ultrasound bed where my legs dangled next to Gavin sitting on the chair beside me. I had a similar thought then, “Why did I even want to be pregnant?  Why did we let this happen?”

Remembering this, I responded. “I know that I will pick a small life.  If it were for me to decide, I would choose the things in which I have power or ability or control.  I would never choose mess. It is normal that we want the small, more comfortable life.”

Yet, we don’t.  A door has opened today to a God-sized place.  Our unborn daughter has ushered us into new. The breadth, width, and height of this expanse is unknown.  The door is open and we are entering.

I am certain that we will grow in our understanding of people with special needs.  We will become well acquainted with the wonders and gifts of our healthcare system and amazing providers.  We will be supported, encouraged, and loved by our family and friends. We will gain a whole new circle of guides and comforters along the way.

I can’t wait for our daughter to meet these who are preparing her way into the world.  There will be pain, a heart surgery even. But there will be a God, who has made her wonderfully and purposely, and a whole host of ones who adore her.  They will cushion us. They will ease the pain.

I threw the band in the trash can.  The place where she drew my blood that carries my daughter’s DNA is already healed.  Just a small, red dot remains.