Thursday, January 24, 2019

The News



I just took off the wrap from my arm with a bit of sadness.  It was a physical symbol that something happened to us today.  I told the phlebotomist as she wrapped the band.

“We found out today that our little girl likely has Down’s syndrome.”

She gave me her eyes with kind expression and told me about her grandson who has epilepsy and seizures.  “It’s hard, but I love him so much.”
Yes, that keeps coming today--the gift of a person who is different.  I shared the same message with our children when explaining the news from our appointment.  
“God has given us an extra special gift in your little sister.”
“Will she have superhero powers?” Beau asked.
Though I answered Beau with a “no,”  I think I might have been mistaken. I’ve heard today that people with Trisomy-21 have the “love chromosome”--that their affection and love are contagious and generous; that they exude joy, carrying the happiness of the whole family.  My friend relayed a story of her friend who, after growing up with a sibling with Down’s, adopted a baby with Down’s because she always wants a special person in her life. I think we are all about to be changed. That sounds like superhero power to me.
Gavin reassured the children, “We can be certain that God is giving us His best.”  And I absolutely believe him.  Another friend had surprising news recently and we were relating about our reactions to God’s mysterious ways.  Through our conversation, it occurred to me that God is not fearful or leary about making us uncomfortable when it comes to giving us His best.
His best is uncomfortable.  Emma and Kendall cried and we told them that we had, too.  In that ultrasound room, we cried. We were overwhelmed, shocked.  Guy found no words. In a private moment together, Gavin asked, “Is there part of you that hopes they will call and the result of the test will be negative?”
I totally got his question.  I flashed back to the ultrasound bed where my legs dangled next to Gavin sitting on the chair beside me. I had a similar thought then, “Why did I even want to be pregnant?  Why did we let this happen?”
Remembering this, I responded. “I know that I will pick a small life.  If it were for me to decide, I would choose the things in which I have power or ability or control.  I would never choose mess. It is normal that we want the small, more comfortable life.”
Yet, we don’t.  A door has opened today to a God-sized place.  Our unborn daughter has ushered us into new. The breadth, width, and height of this expanse is unknown.  The door is open and we are entering.
I am certain that we will grow in our understanding of people with special needs.  We will become well acquainted with the wonders and gifts of our healthcare system and amazing providers.  We will be supported, encouraged, and loved by our family and friends. We will gain a whole new circle of guides and comforters along the way.
I can’t wait for our daughter to meet these who are preparing her way into the world.  There will be pain, a heart surgery even. But there will be a God, who has made her wonderfully and purposely, and a whole host of ones who adore her.  They will cushion us. They will ease the pain.
I threw the band in the trash can.  The place where she drew my blood that carries my daughter’s DNA is already healed.  Just a small, red dot remains.

11 comments:

  1. Sweet, Karla, I love you and your family dearly. This is the first I’ve heard the news. My good friend has a 8- year old son, Levi, with an extra special gift. For the DS walk, his team name is Levi’s 321. So awesome! If you’d ever like to contact her, she would be a great resource/friend for you! Also (and you may already know this) Kelle Hampton, author of Bloom, has a blog called Enjoying the Small Things. While she sometimes uses choice words, her story and journey about herself and daughter Nella is one to read for sure. I can’t wait to meet precious Wylie! We will certainly be praying that her heart will be healed. Many hugs, prayers, and much love sent your way. ❤️

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  2. Thank you, Leah. I know we are entering a whole new world and it's so, so nice to be introduced to some people who can act as guides! I appreciate those connections and also your prayers. Love you all!

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  3. And this is how I know Jesus lives in my friends: When they share hard news, *I* am the one who ends up being encouraged. You just gave me a 2 Corinthians 1 moment: No matter how our carefully laid out plans get upset, we have the comfort of God through it all.

    The Herrons are praying on your behalf, thanking God for the Duersons (including this new little one!), asking for his help in every challenge, and continuing to learn more each day what it looks like to abide in him.

    Much love to you all!

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    1. Thank you so much, Jeff. Your prayers for help and ability to abide are being answered so beautifully. Love to all!

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  4. Prayers for healing in your baby girls heart. I've heard about the "love Chromosome" and I believe you are right, it is a super power. I will echo what someone said above in regards to Kelle Hampton, Nella's birth story and the families story as they've grown with her is beautiful. I know that God has picked the best parents, siblings, and family for sweet Wylie!


    Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above...James 1:17

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    1. Thank you so much! How kind and generous of you to pray for and bless us.

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  5. You are amazing. I know God will use this experience and teach you many things about yourself, your daughter and God. I have a grandson who had an accident at 14 months and experienced brain damage. God has taught me so much about unconditional love. My grandson is a blessing to me, he laughs and tells me I am funny. God knows and has your family in His hands. Blessings to you.

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    1. What a great hope to be held, seen, known and cared for by God! I'm so thankful that you've allowed more love in your heart rather than bitterness in your light of your grandson's accident. I hope we will do the same! May God bless you and your family, too!

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  6. After reading your words, I am thanking God for:
    1. the gift of YOU! You have always been a bright light in this world and your words are beautifully written, so raw and so precious. Thanks for inviting us in.
    2. the gift of your sweet Margaret Wylie. She is so blessed to be a Duerson and I know she will bless each of you in different ways.
    3. the gift of God's everyday presence when life is painful. I can't imagine being in your situation. My heart hurts for you because I don't want anyone to ever suffer. So, just know that I will be praying as you live your life in the coming months.
    4. Hugging you in my heart. I will commit to praying. So much love to all of you!

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    Replies
    1. Kristen, thank you. I appreciate your rejoicing with us and mourning with us. How you know that there is always both! I'm sorry for the ways you've come to know these truths. Praise God for a little routine this week:) This Momma was glad to give her youngest two their lessons after two weeks of upheaval. Your prayers are effective. They are a pleasant aroma to God and so precious to us, too. Love you!

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