Just a couple of days into this new journey and I've already assessed if I'm doing a good job with handling all the new information we have learned about our daughter. It truly is remarkable that a mom knows just what to say. When I called to tell her that baby likely has Down syndrome, she gave advice I didn't realize I'd have to follow so soon. "Don't try to be perfect in this, Karla."
The very next morning, I found myself insecurely questioning if I was doing all this right. I looked at myself in the mirror. "Here it is. Just like my mom knew. I think there's a right way--a perfect way to cope--and I'm wondering if I'm measuring up to it." So, I stopped. I just stopped.
Then I started. I started letting go: letting go of perfectionism, letting go of "shoulds" and "what ifs," letting go of fears and doubts, letting go of unhelpful and unrealistic expectations for myself, letting go of the illusion of control, and letting go of thoughts that are just not true. But I also started holding on--holding onto faith, holding onto hope, holding onto hands, and help, and goodness, and holding onto the Way, the Truth, and the Life--Jesus!
And do you know what I've found? It's so easy to hold on when you're already being held!
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You are being given a gift in so many ways. I know your faith has always let you trust God but learning to let go, well there’s a lesson that never comes easily or painlessly. You are blessed and receiving a blessing beyond measure.
ReplyDeleteEmy, thank you. Wylie is such a gift! And the greatest gifts often cost the most?
ReplyDeleteOh my! I’m just hearing the news of your pregnancy. Wylie, I LOVE her name. My first thought after reading your Mom’s advice about “not being perfect” was irony. I laughed in my head because upon hearing the news that she has Down’s syndrome my initial thought was, “how perfect Karla will be for this little one.” I thought; for such a time as this! What a blessing Wylie will have in you as her mother! Keep clinging to Jesus, I know you will! A pastor, Levi Lusko wrote today: “staying in our comfort zones don’t keep our lives safe they keep our lives small.” Our God is a big God. He has big things, good things for your family. Keep renewing your mind, remain mindful of His promises! I am praying! I am praying for the duration of your pregnancy. I’m praying for protection over your mind against “runaway thoughts.” I’m assuming I should pray for the surgery and the doctors etc . . . What specifically can I be praying for?
ReplyDeleteKristy, your words bring tears because these ones you share from Levi Lusko are the very ones Gavin and I have realized. How very small we would keep our lives if we were in control! Thank you so much for this encouragement and your prayers. As you may note above, we have more news. Yes, please pray for protection of our minds, hearts, and for God's guidance. We know so certainly that Wylie is a gift and that God--Father, Son, and Spirit--is our Savior!
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